Sally is a salesperson who hates to make prospecting calls. She knows that she's supposed to make them but they never seem to get done. Sound familiar? Sally is a victim of the the Big R. What is the Big R? How can you recognize it? What can you do to defeat it? In this article, I'm going to show you three steps that will help you to defeat the Big R.
The Big R stands for resistance. Resistance is a subtle inner mechanism that causes us to hold back from doing things. It can hold you back from dreams, desires and even daily demands. It saps energy, drains enthusiasm and defeats the finest of intentions.The Big R lurks inside all of us. It lies within people who are successful and people who are unsuccessful; people who love what they do for a living and people who hate what they do for a living. And the Big R is not your friend. Let me give you a common example of resistance, and see if this rings a bell with you.
About a year ago, I was sitting in my den reading a book when my wife suddenly entered the room carrying a large box that she set down on my desk. I knew what was inside of it. A label with the words TAX RECEIPTS was stenciled across one side of the box in bold letters. My heart dropped as fast as a heavy anchor in shallow water as she uttered these words, "Bob, I'd like you to sort through all of these receipts, file them into folders, and get them ready for the bookkeeper."
To me, filing tax receipts is about as fun as visiting the IRS, so what did I do? Answer: nothing. That box sat on my desk, gathering dust for at least two weeks before I cracked it open. Why? The Big R had me under its spell. I knew that I was supposed to do that task, I just didn't want to do it. Has this kind of thing ever happened to you? Good, because the first step to defeating the Big R is to recognize it!
Some people have good reasons why they can't do certain unpleasant things but I think most of us live in a state of denial about it. And I know what some of you are thinking: denial is a river in Egypt. What I'm trying to suggest is that some folks are very good at attributing a rational-sounding reason as to why they didn't accomplish a particularly unpleasant task, chore or goal. Here you ever heard some of these excuses?
One time I held a sales contest at my office. The winner would get one hundred dollars cash. Actually it wasn´t even a contest because everybody in the office could win. All a salesperson had to do was to show up on Saturday morning with a list of the one-hundred "cold-calls" that they'd made. (Agents were supposed to telephone canvass an area to ask homeowners if they wanted to sell their homes.) That was it. Make 100 phone calls and get 100 dollars in cash! On Friday, my wife asked me if I´d gone to the bank to withdraw $600 in cash because everyone was going to show up at the meeting demanding their cash bonuses.
I'll never forget that morning. I rushed to the bank, withdrew the money and guess what happened? Not one agent had a list of 100 names and phone numbers. "People were rude and I couldn´t get into it," said one young lady. Another agent said, "I figured that people would be eating dinner and I didn´t want to bother them." Another agent told me, "I made 30 calls but I couldn´t make any more calls because my son got sick."
It's a sad day when you can´t give money away, isn't it? Friends, the Big R is so insidious that most people actually believe their own excuses. The ones from my agents sounded believable enough, didn´t they?
Now some folks might argue that caring for a sick child is a legitimate excuse for not doing something. Ditto for having a migraine headache. So how do you recognize the Big R from a legitimate complaint?
Some psychologists believe that we learn how to resist things at an early age. Remember when you were about five years old and your mom told you to make your bed and you didn´t want to do it? Do you remember how you avoided her? A few months ago, I was at the birthday party of a six-year old child. A perfect time to experiment with the Big R! I asked some of the children to pick up some trash that was lying on the ground and throw it in a trash can located ten feet away. Do you know what happened? Three kids ran away from me, one kid argued, two kids got their parents to talk to me and one child went into hiding! Sounds like the agents in my real estate company, doesn´t it?
The point is, try to figure out how you normally resist things. You might find that you´re still using techniques that worked for you as a five-year old child! Today, instead of running away, you might be driving away to the nearest shopping mall or hiding in a movie theater! Again, recognizing the Big R is the first step to defeating it.
Question: how do you test yourself to see if you are resisting? Here is something to keep in mind: the Big R always rears its head whenever there are unpleasant duties, chores, or deadlines to be completed. Do you have a job or chore around the house that you detest? Is there one that you´ve been putting off? What about doing your laundry? Cleaning up the garage? Do you dread talking to the top boss about getting a raise? How about telling a superior about something that is happening at work? The Big R is always lurking!.
The second step to defeating the Big R is to detach yourself from a Big R situation. This gets tricky because in order to detach yourself, you must first catch yourself in the clutches of the Big R. When you are avoiding something, you have to stop and look at your behavior as though you were observing it from another viewpoint. Example: You have a project deadline looming and you are supposed to deliver some bad news to your boss, Susan, who has already called. You know that you´re supposed to call Susan back, but you really don´t want to. Susan loves to grill people for details and you can already smell the traffic grinding to a halt on the freeway.You´ve got a long commute home and you still have to go to the grocery store. Halfway down to the parking garage you suddenly realize that the Big R has pulled you into its clutches. STOP!
Now is the time to stop, and view your behavior. What are you doing? You´re running away from a problem instead of facing it, aren´t you? Congratulations! You are on your way to defeating the Big R.
According to Marsha Sinetar in her book, Do WhatYou Love, The Money Will Follow, most psychologists believe that any behavior that can be observed can be controlled. Let me repeat that: any behavior that can be observed can be controlled. The trick is to catch yourself involved in the behavior and then observe the behavior. You've got to be like a mother who tells her two children to pick up their toys. When the mother glances out the kitchen window, she notices that instead of picking up their toys they are playing on the swings. Yet once they notice that she's looking at them, the children stop, jump off the swings and start picking up their toys. That's what we have to do!
The third step for defeating the Big R is to treat yourself after taking a baby step in a positive direction. Instead of avoiding an unpleasant chore, you make a quick call to Susan to explain that you will fill her in on all the details later via e-mail. Now treat yourself! Or instead of making 100 prospecting phone calls in one day, you make at least 25. Little by little you get the job done so you treat yourself to a massage or get your nails done. Or you hire an assistant and PAY somebody else to make all of the calls for you. Why not? Or perhaps instead of using the telephone you switch to using the mail service. The US Postal service makes personal calls on people to even the most dangerous neighborhoods in the United States at 33 cents a visit no matter how hot or cold it is outside!
Another baby step is to invest in a book on self-hypnosis.Self-hypnosis books are also available at the public library. Make an audio tape that includes your monthly, yearly and life goals, then play the tape twice a day. Hearing your own voice talk about your goals will subconsciously assist you in defeating the Big R and will reinforce your goals.
There is an old Chinese proverb that goes: "The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first footstep." Keep this quote in mind the next time that you find yourself avoiding doing things you know you should be doing. Try harder, every day to catch yourself whenever you feel like avoiding unpleasant chores and then take a baby-step in the right direction. You´ll feel better about yourself and you´ll be on the way to defeating the Big R!
Bob Boog is the author of Selling Homes 1-2-3:
Insider Advice
on Becoming a Surprisingly Better Part-time or Full-time Real
Estate Agent published by THS Intl, 1998. It
is available
on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble Booksellers, and public libraries
throughout the United States.
Visit his Website
at www.sellinghomes1-2-3.com
Do What You Love, the Money Will Follow: Discovering Your Right Livelihood by Marsha Sinetar, published by Dell, 1989 is also available on Amazon.com